In general, any given individual has something that they are innately good at. It can be anything from memorizing data to juggling flaming bowling pins. It usually takes a bit of experience to realize a talent, but once you've figured it out, it's pretty clear to you. So there are a few things that I'd consider myself to be good at, and only a few things that I'd say that I'm talented at. I have an easy time dedicating myself to things, I'd say that's a talent. My time management skills are pretty dang good, and I find ease in having ideas. Sure, some weird things, but I'd consider them to be talents of mine.
One thing I do not think that I am talented at is athletics. Never have I ever been good at a sport. Nor has anything about athletics really come naturally to me. Ever. Baseball, I mean, T-Ball? I hit the tee, and was the kid in the outfield playing in the sand. Basketball? If I ever actually scored, there is a 50/50 chance that it was my own teams basket. Soccer? Parents made me quit because they told me I really wasn't any good at it. (I really only played because my friends played.) Track? I could kind of do longer distances. Nothing else though.
And then there is swimming. I really wasn't good when I started. I actually wasn't any good until my third year of swimming year round on a club team. At that point I was almost 14. At this time in my career I actually started to be a competitor. Like top five in my age group in Washington. I remained decent throughout High School, and definitely was at my best at 16. Then my coach at the time left out of the blue, and our team was in a purgatory for a while - completely coach less. It wasn't until my freshman year of college that I got any better, but I honestly just believe that was due to the excitement of something new.
Because honestly, I'm not a talented swimmer. I work hard, and something clicks when it comes to technique but I'm not talented. It doesn't come easy.
And honestly it's getting so difficult to continue to motivate myself to do something that doesn't really come easily. I'm not really sure why this is surfacing now. Perhaps it's been my poor performance this past season not only in meets but also in practices. Perhaps it's the fact that I see others who are talented and don't think I can keep up any more. Perhaps it's the fact that although it's a part of my life now, I can see that it might now be detrimental to my academic load, which I've always viewed as more important, but especially now that it's directly correlating to the future of a career. Perhaps it's my coach who I can't seem to get motivated by, or honestly trust with the well being of my swimming.
It's been weighing on my mind lately, what if I invested my time towards the things I am actually talented at? School has always come fairly easy to me, with all of my extra curricular activities in addition. What if I just focused on school itself? Would all of my efforts that have previously been spread concentrate into one thing? Do I dare answer my own, what if?